Sunday, February 23, 2014

Chronicles of Aunty Acid



Source


My earliest memory of Aunty Acid still manages to make me cringe. It was just a long and crazy day, that day more than two decades ago. I had joined my gang of friends in a game of hopscotch in the barren land near her house.


With the skin color that you have, no one worthy will ever marry you. Only fair girls get the best grooms,” she shouted at me ending her prediction with a maniacal laughter. I ran off crying, cursing the skin I was born with and wondering what prompted her to bug me in that way in front of my friends.


May be she was speaking from her experience, given that she was at least five shades darker than I was.

 My granny fumed when I narrated what had happened and then came near me armed with a few red chilies and a pinch of salt. She moved them in a few circles around me, muttering some mantras and then threw them in fire.


“There burn all the negativity she spewed on you. Phew...See how much powerful her venom is?!!” said granny watching them spluttering and fume.

Nevertheless, the ritual did not prevent me from having a nightmare about being married to an alcoholic, wife-beating husband like that of Aunty Acid and wake up screaming. It haunted me for a long time and I thought no one would ever love me.



Years passed and Aunty Acid continued to belch poison on others and me. Kids avoided her like plague; her words were like Acid and left an indelible mark. We all unanimously agreed that someone with his or her brain in the right place had named her Aunty Acid.


There was a rumor that, if she caressed a plant lovingly, it wilted the next day. If she praised anyone, instead of being happy, the object of her praise panicked. Such was the terror.

When I was awaiting my entrance results, she told me I did not stand a chance. Reason being that her daughter, who was doubly intelligent than me, had not cracked it. Again, fate proved her wrong and like everyone, I started to covet her negative comments.


One day during my semester exam time, Aunty Acid declared that no sane person would marry an arrogant girl like me after I declined to visit her, leaving my studies halfway through. My parents beamed hearing it. That was a positive sign indeed.

After our engagement, with my heart threatening with a heart attack, I heard my fiance answer my query that he does not drink, not even socially. Phew…. I thanked Aunty Acid heartily. From then on, I deliberately made Aunty Acid angry, praying secretly that she erupt like a volcano.


Aunty Acid predicted my marriage will end within a year and that I will not ever have peace in my husband’s house.


I celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary last year and my in-laws still dot on me.


Aunty Acid still grinds her teeth when she sees me and I eagerly await the blessings that are about to be showered on me.


This time when I visited her, I went with a bag full of Cadbury 5 star, with a selfless aim to cure her acid tongue. 

Source


To my dismay, I hear she cannot eat them any more. Diabetics is the culprit.

Who knows how many future generations she will bless with her acid tongue. Our whole village predicts she will outlive most of us. Such is the strength of her negativity.


May be after her death, a temple will come up in place of her grave. There, people will pray in antonyms.


I have even written down a few prayers.


“Make me bankrupt…Aunty Acidaya namah  (11 times)”

“Make me ill… Aunty Acidaya namah (101 times)”

“Make me sad… Aunty Acidaya Namah ( 1001 times)”



Meri bhi #Condition Serious Hai… :) :) :D


This is written as part of a contest in Indiblogger in association with Cadbury5Star

Source


 If you wish to cure me please visit this site.


Don't forget to courier sacks full of Cadbury 5 star for me....

I am waiting!!!


Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers

36 comments:

  1. So glad I don't have an Aunty Acid, Preethi :)
    The Mantra-chants are great :)
    We will share the Cadbury 5 Star together :)

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    Replies
    1. Done Anita... I always believe in sharing, caring...We are the women of substance after all..:)

      Delete
  2. Good one! Enjoyed reading it :)
    ഈ ആൻറി ആസിഡിനെ ഒന്ന് കാണാൻ പറ്റുവൊ? കുറച്ചു കാര്യങ്ങൾ പറയിപിക്കാനാ :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aaa oru risk edukano Nevin? Nallathi vallathum paranjaalo?!!
      Glad you enjoyed reading it..

      Delete
  3. haha Aunty Acids! Aren't we all troubled by one aunty or the other! All the best :)

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  4. Haha so the aunty acid proved to be lucky for you :) The jhapas were good too, maybe I should ask this aunty to tell something negative about me too, like I'll never win a Crore lottery :) Good one Preethi, all the best for the contest :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are always welcome to visit her..Don't blame me if she happens to praise you...:D

      Thanks for the wishes..

      Delete
  5. Now that's an interesting take on the contest. The truth is that we've all had our encounters with these aunty acids :) Good luck for the contest

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  6. Such people are everywhere... They are just too insecure and inferior about themselves; and hence they try to discourage others. Either you will lose heart or dare not to care! Good to know that you take everything positively! Best wishes for the contest!

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Sindhu..And mostly they think they are the ultimate creations by god..Phew...

      Delete
  7. Nice one hehe..I , too have written about a pestering Aunty-acid ! I'm empathetic with your situation :-P

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    Replies
    1. Thank You Maniparna... They are always one of a kind at everyplace on earth I guess... :)

      Delete
  8. Aunty acid seems really dangerous! I never want to meet her :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe.. Good decision...You seem to have your brains at the right place..:D

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  9. Acid Aunty!! Seems like new name for some dangerous insect found in the jungles of Amazon!!
    Lovely post, all the best :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly they are not an endangered species..Highly parasitic and breeds like flies. :(

      Thank You DS for the wishes..

      Delete
  10. I guess we all know one in our life. But even reading this makes me cringe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know... And they always pounces upon their prey unexpectedly...
      Hope you find some sweet lassy to lessen the sour taste my Aunty Acid left on you..

      Delete
  11. Ha ha ha! Very Interesting article re...

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  12. Hahahah! Aunty acidaya namah was a great touch!! :)

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    Replies
    1. Hope Sreesha you will adopt this mantra at times of peril..:P

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  13. A wonderful take on the contest. Good luck

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Arish Dhawan for the wishes and the encouraging comment.

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  14. All the best to you for the contest.... And I am so allergic to aunties.... I don't say they are bad but I cannot stand them. :p They are dull.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe... They are indeed dull... Thanks for the wishes..

      Delete
  15. Nicely written preethi! Thank God i got a sweet aunty :)
    All the best for the contest dear..

    ReplyDelete
  16. Not sure if my earlier comment got posted :(
    I meant she is seriously in serious trouble!
    GOOD THAT her negatvity worked for u .. and last mantras are Funny :P
    good take on the prompt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She is serious trouble indeed... Happy you liked my mantras..How about adopting them?!!! :D

      Delete

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